Thursday, August 2, 2007

Loneliness

I'm just gonna come flat out and say it: I'm lonely.

I had today off and gave a friend a call. He was busy and thus was unable to do anything. From this, I realized something: I had no one else to call.

Over the past 8 years, I've had t
he same core friends, and over the years those friends have either moved away or I've just lost contact with them. Right now, I'm really only in contact with two of them frequently, and only see one with any regularity.

I've had a few other friends over the years, but again, they've all graduated or moved away...

I think that's why I've taken to fashion and suits so much recently. By buying a new suit, or a new outfit, I feel like I'm getting ready for a nightlife I don't have. I mentioned my new found hobby to my brother, and he calmly asked, "Where do you wear these suits?"

I didn't have an answer.

I don't have anywhere to wear these suits - no decent nightclubs or any such places that have dress codes. I don't have anyone to take to dinner in them; of course, living in this town there aren't any restaurants to wear them to. Now, for that matter, I can't really afford these suits, either. I worked out a budget today and realized that I can make ends meet, but not with much left over for suits or those other unnecessary things like food...

I suppose I like the idea of having a nightlife or job that calls for a suave, fashionable suit. Similarly, I really like the idea of taking a young woman out to dinner at a restaurant that actually has a dress code; one that would call for a nice suit for me and a dress for her, or at least a restaurant where I wouldn't look out of place dressed up as such.

This leads back to that loneliness thing. I'm ready for a nightlife (or at least, I like to think I am; though in reality I'm financially not ready), yet I don't have one, nor really much of a chance of one. At that moment, I don't have much of a social life at all, which is the real issue. I became so adjust to just sitting around, watching episodes of The X-Files or just random movies with my friends from high school that when I make new friends, that's all I can think of to do. I don't really know what people do when they hang out...I don't drink, so going to bars is pretty much out of the running, and in this city, that removes about 95% of all possible things to do. I've started to play frisbee golf thanks to my new brother-in-law, yet with spring flooding all the courses in town went to hell. I go running, biking, reading, all that stuff, but those are mostly single activities as well, not friend or date activities.


I don't really know where I'm going with this. And with that, I'm done.

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