Thursday, August 28, 2008

Evolution sucks

The past few months I've experienced a rather on-going digestive inconvenience. I didn't notice it much until last March and assumed it was a passing thing; didn't think much of it.

Last month I realized it may not be passing.

Last week I spoke to my doctor and he mentioned that it might just be a food allergy.

Two days ago I had a suspicion of what it was.

Today I confirmed it: I'm lactose intolerant.

I can't express how upset this makes me. All my life I've been drinking milk; I love it. I enjoy the taste, it's got nutrients, and is among the best post-workout drinks because of the combination of whey and casein proteins. For 23 years I drank it without any trouble whatsoever. I would drink 2-3 glasses daily, sometimes more. I was happy. My body was happy.

My new enemy.

Now my body has decided that it's going to use milk as it's new laxative.

This does not make me happy at all. I think yogurt might still be ok since it's got less lactose than milk, but I'm still in the testing phase of that. I should know within the next hour whether or not I can keep eating yogurt. If I can, then ice cream should still be ok in small quantities. I'm hopeful, but I don't expect miracles.

How I found this out was that I stopped drinking milk two days ago to see how my body would react; it felt great. I spoke with Will about this and he mentioned that sometimes whole milk digests easier than skim does and so I should try that. I bought a half-gallon yesterday, had a glass before bed and this morning had another glass. Within an hour and a half I had been to the bathroom twice. I took a lactaid and 10 minutes later was feeling great.

My thoughts exactly.

It's unnerving to know that throughout history man has been drinking milk and here I

E. coli: more advanced than me.

am, in the year 2008 - four million years after Lucy - and I'm unable to digest milk. There are bacteria that have evolved to live in sulfuric acid, crabs that can live normally in 200+ degree water next to thermal jets, E. coli that has evolved under observation within laboratories to digest citrate (something E. coli normally can't do) and here I am, potentially thousands of generations into our species, 23 years into my own life, and suddenly evolution has decided to say "screw you."

Talk about a major kink in the evolutionary chain.

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