Monday, December 1, 2008


I'm confused. I'm seriously confused.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want. I don't know why I go to work each day. I don't know why I hit my snooze button for 45 minutes each morning just to get out of bed when all I want to do is crawl back under the covers where it's warm and safe. I don't know why I put premium gas in my car instead of the regular. I don't know why I made rice yesterday. I don't know why I haven't been to the gym for two weeks or why my diet has gone to hell. I don't know why I get so lost inside my own ****ing head. I don't know why I can't just let life go. I don't know why I care so much. I don't know if I should.

I don't know why I have so many songs by The Doors on my ipod. I don't even like them that much.

I don't know what to do about the kitten that sleeps on my front steps every night and rubs against my legs whenever I walk past. I want to take him in and take care of him every time I see him but our landlord doesn't allow pets.

I don't know where I'll be in six months. I don't know if I'll be preparing for graduate school, looking for a new apartment, or moving to a new city. I don't know which of those things I want. I don't know if I want any of them.

I just wish the world would stop turning so I could figure my life out.

Still, I do know that I like puppies. A good friend sent me this (see below) last week, and right now I'm quite grateful, since it's the only thing that's made me smile all morning. It's a live stream of a litter of Shiba Inu puppies. They're adorable.


Brooke said...

Sounds like you are having one hell of a day! Stop. Take deep breathe and exhale. Those are my very unwise words on nonsense for the day. All you can do is just keep breathing.

pynkpandah said...

I love those puppies. I was addicted to them a few weeks back, I would just sit and stare at them, even when they were asleep.

I looked up the definition of the word 'Why' and I was met with more questions, I just giggled and decided the universe has a very strange sense of humour indeed. I don't really need to know 'Why?', I'm more of a fan of "Why not?"

Be careful of asking too many questions, it might lead to answers.

Tim said...

Brooke - I tried the breathing thing. It worked ok. Then I tried combining it with a chocolate donut and it worked alright. So I tried it again. Now I feel kinda sick.

Pandah - I always ask questions and I do find a lot of answers. The problem is believing the answers.

Brooke said...

Yeah....I could have told you that chocolate donuts and holistic breathing aren't real great together. Sorry I didn't warn you sooner.

Becky said...

I vote that you move to a new apartment that allows pets. Then you can bring the doorstep kitty and get one of those cute puppies too. That could solve a few of your conundrums (housebreaking could bring on a whole new set of problems, however)

nae4blue said...

dude, that first paragraph was so 'me.'

I may have found an apartment in Fargo for cheap. You could always... you know... work at Barnes & Noble and be happy.