Monday, February 16, 2009

On Being Superficial


I am, admittedly, superficial. I care about looks when it comes to dating a girl. It has always been my impression that if you do not find the person attractive then you will struggle holding a relationship with them.

The error in this is that recently...that is, the past 4 years or so...I believe I've dated with that being one of the most pressing factors in whether or not to date a girl. And so far it's resulted in almost every relationship lasting less than 2 months. It's not exactly an impressive track record. Of course each relationship ended for different reasons, but I believe the underlying factor was just that we were different people. Although really I suppose that's the whole point of dating -- to find out if you're compatible with someone.

The past couple weeks I've started looking at something a bit more substantial in girls: their personalities and whether or not we relate. Intellect is also a strong factor I look at; I really like a girl who can hold her own then the discussion goes into politics or philosophy. I don't require her to know Kant off the top of her head, but at least one who doesn't shy away from an intellectual conversation. Personally I like to learn everything I can about every subject and I'd like a girl with a similar fascination for knowledge. Of course, all of this goes on top of superficial attraction thing. I still want a girl who's cute.

You may think me shallow, but I'm not asking for a model, just a girl I find attractive. My criteria isn't that high. What this has led me to learn is that there are very few girls who fall under this. I don't mean to say none do -- far from it, I know several -- but as I've said before, mutual attraction is something that does not simply exist. Just because I like a girl and believe we could be a good couple does not mean she agrees and as a wise person once said, "why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?"

There are a few girls I know who I'd like to get to know better to see if they meet this criteria. Some I work with, some I know through associations, some I'm friends with. Right now I can only think of one girl that I'm sure meets all the criteria. And we already had our time together. We've actually tried twice. Something came up and it wasn't meant to be.

Dilbert understands

Not then. But that's what happens in this life. There's a time for relationships to work and a time for them not to. Maybe we were early, maybe we were late. I don't know. All I know is that so far I've never met another girl like her. I'm sure there are other girls who will amaze me as much as she did, but I haven't seen that in them yet. I'd like to.

1 comment:

Becky said...

i agree that you should be physically attracted to someone, but i have learned that sometimes people become better (or maybe worse) looking as you get to know their personality.