Friday, June 5, 2009

National Breakfast

Balanced on a massive scale

I'm not sure who decided a glass of orange juice is an essential part of breakfast. When I think of bacon and eggs I don't think "and orange juice!" I think "and waffles" or potentially "and more bacon." Every commercial for a breakfast food or cereal always has that same image of the bowl of Fruit Loops/Cheerios/Lucky Charms/Cocoa Pebbles/oatmeal next to two pieces of toast, a muffin, some sausage links, bacon, a glass of milk and a glass of orange juice. Meanwhile the voice over says "(cereal being advertised) is a part of a balanced breakfast." Let's be honest here, the breakfast they've got displayed is probably at least 1,300 Calories; you could remove the cereal component altogether and you'd still get a "nutritionally balanced" breakfast.

Last month Twitter updated their site so that the search and trending topics (popular things to tweet about) are listed on the right side of the homepage. I've found this can be very useful in finding out what's going on by simply looking at the topics. For example, yesterday I found out first thing that David Carradine was dead thanks to the trending topic "RIP David Carradine" and "Kill Bill." Sometimes it's not that obvious, though. Today the trending topics as of 8:55 AM are:
  • Follow Friday
  • TGIF
  • National Doughnut
  • David Carradine
  • Krispy Kreme
  • Saved by the Bell
  • World Environment
  • Kobe
  • Susan Boyle
  • BNP
David Carradine, Kobe, and Susan Boyle are all pretty easy to figure out: famous people who have died/won basketball games/been hospitalized for whatever reason. Follow Friday is a Twitter thing where you recommend people to follow; TGIF is obvious; Saved by the Bell is a little odd but not unheard of; BNP is the British Nationalist Party which most people seem to greatly dislike; and World Environment is, well, I have no idea.

I'm assuming that the National Doughnut trend goes along with Krispy Kreme in something that is to be connected like "Krispy Kreme declares National Doughnut Day." Which is kind of cool, but I'd much rather there be an actual ceremony declaring what the national doughnut of America is. We have a national flower (the rose), a national animal (Bald Eagle), a national song (Star Spangled Banner) and I've heard rumors that the blueberry muffin is the national muffin and apple pie is the national pie. Frankly, I think we need a national doughnut.

With that I would like to officially propose the national doughnut of America: the simple raised doughnut with white frosting and sprinkles.

The American National Doughnut nominee

Just look at it. It's beautiful. A simple raised doughnut--nothing fancy, but it has some substance, like America--with some sweet icing on top to compliment the dough and sprinkles of every color representing our diversity.
And just like America, it goes best with a glass of milk.

It's a fated match. Doughnuts, like Americans, get bad reputations because it's fashionable to bash on them. Doughnuts get ragged on because of their high carb content and a few years ago the world decided carbs are the embodiment of evil. Americans get ragged on because of our former government's international policies. It's not the doughnut's fault it has a high carb content--it's not a choice of the doughnut personally to be full of carbs, that's just how it is. Similarly, it's not an American's fault for what the government did as most people didn't approve of it or had no strong feelings either way. We're friendly, I promise.

I really don't see how we don't have a national doughnut already. It seems remarkably obvious to have one. Please join me in this and rally together to push congress to declare the raised doughnut, topped with icing and sprinkles, to be America's National Doughnut.

Once this passes we'll rally for a National Waffle (which will be, ironically, Belgian).

1 comment:

--jeff * said...

the blueberry muffin is minnesota's state muffin; i don't know about a national one.

i'd vote for the donut, and would campaign for the belgian waffle.